Sunday, December 21, 2008

Sunday.


Much like the Cowboys hoping for a big win on their last night ever at Texas Stadium, I did a Christmas-y inspirational post last week hoping to lead the charge into positive enthusiasm despite mounting negativity and seasonal pessimism.

Later that day, my mom called to tell me she has breast cancer. Again.

Im not gonna go further into that one, as it is serious, and it's family, and I'm gonna keep it there.

I've been snapping at my wife for 2 days, and today while she works, I have diverted my attention to snapping at our kids.

Yesterday we spent the morning trying to drum up the spirit of Christmas past and present by going to see Santa and a million beautiful decorations, and it was nice despite a sickly and cranky son, and a daughter who lives in crippling fear of Santa eating cookies downstairs while she is cringing upstairs. But that was only 2 hours worth, then I was back to snapping.

And instead of forcing yet another upbeat post yesterday, I simply finished a How-To, and pushed the rest down inside.

Just cant seem to shake it today.

I love my kids with every ounce of my being, but today I cant stop yelling.

I love my wife, and hopefully my frustration shows her that I care as much as I say I do.

I miss my brothers and sisters.

I love Christmastime, but I'm having a hard time pushing past the hard stuff to make it amazing for my kids.

I'm worried about my mom.

Sorry, sometimes I come down. Thanks for listening. I promise I'll be back in spirit tomorrow for "MISSION: Monday"...hope you'll come see.

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23 comments:

Luanne said...

I am sorry to hear about your mother. I am going to pray for you, her and your patience with your children...you need it. Merry Christmas...

Tony said...

Hang in there Champ. I feel your pain and wish I could carry some of your load for you. You, your Mom and family will be in our thoughts and prayers. Merry Christmas.

Kristina P. said...

I'll be thinking and praying for you and your family, Jay.

Brittany said...

I am sorry for what your family is facin right now. It's consuming, and while you are so busy worrying, you almost let your emotions self destruct a bit, and it's totally normal, and the ones you love most know that. Feelfree to snap away at all of use, anytime:)

Frogs in my formula said...

Hey, to be down sometimes is human. Take the time you need to process what's happening. Best, Mrs. Mullet.

Denise said...

Im so sorry to hear about your mom. I will be praying for her, you and your family.

Eudea-Mamia said...

Oh Jay, I'm so very sorry you and your family are facing this.

You all will be in my prayers. Em

kel said...

Hugs. I'll be thinking about you and your family. I wish you lots of luck and love.

Sarah said...

I'm really sad to hear about your mother - that's just horrible news to get, especially at this time of the year.

And I can totally relate in terms of snapping when I'm under stress like that - it's normal, even though it sucks.

Praying for some good news soon.

Young Momma said...

It's always hard to know what to say when someone gets news like that. I'm sorry seems right for the giver, but I never liked it when I got it.

I lost my mom to cancer when I was 18 - so I understand how your feeling.

Please know my thoughts and prayers are with your family during this hard time.

Event he best of us snap at our loved ones when we're down. The kids will forget it tomorrow and your wife understands. We always pick the ones who love us most - because subconsciously we know that not only can they handle it, but they're willing to. Just as we would be if it were them. ~hugs~

Wep said...

You know, I really feel that Christmas is entirely too much pressure. I mean once a year we demand perfection. Finding the perfect gift for EACH and every person, having the perfect meal, not wanting to maim family members. It's like birthday+thanksgiving+everyday rolled into one. I know in my family my mom is a mess missing my dad, my nephew is a mess thinking Santa won't come because he's bad, my sister is a mess because she couldn't get the kids what they wanted, and EVERYONE just wants it to be over.

What the point? I'm with you on this one. Hang in there.

jsprik said...

praying for you jay...we all have bad days (or 3), hang in there!!

jsprik said...

can i have your moms first name so i can pray for her?? please, initials would be fine ;)otherwise i will just pray for "jay's mom" i'm sure God will know who im talking about ;)

Lee the MWOB Queen said...

Hey Jay,

When I first happened upon your scene, I knew you were the real deal. And with the real comes the bad days, the sadness, the heartbreak, and the YELLING! Can we talk about the yelling??? Oh please! So for those of us who are into your halftime lessons - we want it all. And we don't mind the bad stuff...I, for one, like it. Except that you are going through it and that sucks.

As for your mom, I am so so sorry. And from what I can tell of you, you're not a big religious guy but I'm able to get some messages through to God so I'll be praying for you and your mom and your family.

Here's to a killer Mission Monday...

Lee

Jenni Jiggety said...

I am really sorry to hear about your Mom, Jay. My mom is a 2 time breast cancer survivor and was recovering from a mastectomy this time last year. It is SO hard...

You all are in my thoughts and prayers!

Candace Jean July 16 said...

This is always the wrong time to hear bad news. I pray your mother will do well and that you find some peace. You are "snapping" at people because you are human and hurting, and it's so convenient to snap at the ones we love. I was in your situation several years ago, so I understand. God's got you - snap at Him, too. He understands. He likes to wrestle with us once in a while, doesn't He? You have earned a meltdown. Have at it. Peace to you this wintry evening.

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

I'm sorry to hear about your mom. You and your family are in my thoughts

Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

No one can be "up" and happy all the time. It sounds like you have "good" reason to be down. I'll be keeping you and your family inmy thoughts, Jay.

CaJoh said...

So sorry to hear about your Mother. My mother is a survivor too. Our prayers are with you.

I think that this time of year my wife and I tend to snap at each other more because of the pressure of the season. I wish I could take back some of my snaps and accept the ones from here because I know she doesn't mean it.

Have a Merry Christmas

Dory said...

I'm sorry to hear about the cancer. I'll be praying for your mom.

I so understand the "Why can't I stop yelling?!" and "AAAGGGHHHHHH!!!" feelings. It's absolutely ok for you to speak on that. We're only human and with the good comes the bad. I wrote a post on one of my bad times called "The One That Almost Was Not" because at first I wasn't going to publish it as I was afraid people would stop reading if I wrote 'downer' stuff. Then I thought, "screw 'em." So there. Then I thought, "OOOooo, something shiny" and ran off.

Dory

Clare said...

jay, i am so sorry to hear that your mom is sick again. my father has struggled with cancer on and off since i was in college, and it is so hard on everyone, especially the family. i hope that you will be uplifted in the next few days!! hang in there:) c

Ali said...

::Hugs:: I'm so sorry to hear about your mom--your family will be in my prayers:)

As for the yelling, I know what you mean. Hubby and the first grader are at home all week for Christmas vacation. I should be happy to have them here with me and the 4 year old but the break in the routine along with hormones this week--ugh, I have a sore throat:)

jill jill bo bill said...

I am so sorry, Jay. But I am so glad you shared and it's okay to be down. It's really not your job to make us all laugh 24/7. Yake some time off from being what we want and be what your mom and family wants/needs. You know you will do something goofy so we can laugh at you. I love ya, man and will praying for you all.

posthumous pointer
To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one's self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived - this is to have succeeded. - Emerson