Friday, December 5, 2008

The Icy Hell That is Disney


WARNING: Disney on Ice Spoiler!! If you have tickets next week like OhMommy just pointed out that she did, you may want to come back another time!!

Now, let's just get through this so we can put the whole Disney on Ice thing to bed, shall we? It wasn't the fifth ring of Hell, but it certainly wasnt front row at the Victoria Secret Lingerie show, either. Let's proceed.

I know, cute as hell, blah blah blah...
Well...on second thought...yeah, she is...



Setting the stage...Jeez...this is a big deal...
how many frickin kids are gonna be here, anyway??



Ten minutes ago these were pretty damn good seats, now they SUCK. And WHY? Because we were the only people who had the decency to get here on time, and not be standing in my kid's field of vision while they find fucking Section C, seat 10. Calm down, Jay, not about you..



You know Chip 'n Dale are giving the crowd the finger from backstage as every little girl in the house goes apeshit over this broad.



Ok..I know that the skater who played Fro-Zone was the spitting image of Samuel Jackson, but there is no way in HELL that a cartoon character should have a package as big as this guy had. Seriously Pixar, how 'bout a frickin codpiece?



Ok...this takes us to Mrs. Incredible. They even stuffed her costume butt to make her fit the part, and she was still a hot Mommy. Holla Hot Mommies.



Ahhh, my favorite part...Mickey in Lockdown. You know what happens to mice in prison, big ears? And when your family comes to see you at visitation, tell them to either get the hell out of my garage, or enjoy the meal I left them.



And finally, Chip got tired of being Goofy's standin that no one cared about and decided to come out for the encore to give us the finger in person. You're not fooling anyone, champ. You're over.



And as the lights came up, I realized that my vibrant fantasy world and overactive imagination was neglecting the actual reason I was there...My wife said when we got home, 'I never get any pictures of you!" Well no shit, my love, Im not gonna jump in and screw up a beauty like this.


Related Posts:
Wordful Wednesday - "Watch Yer Mouth, Kid."
Wordful Wednesday - "Bad Dreams"

PhotoStory Friday
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39 comments:

OHmommy said...

Oh no.

You should have included a SPOILER alert. It's a good thing my kids aren't up reading blogs with me. We have tickets for next week.

Christina said...

If you think that's bad, I had to see High School Musical on Ice last year. Torture!

Your little girl is so adorable!

Kristina P. said...

Wow. This should have been a WTF Wednesday post. Thanks for giving me nightmares.

Jennifer said...

This actually makes me WANT to go to Disney on Ice. That's actually rather embarrassing. I must be a glutton for punishment or something.

The Mom said...

Laughing at Frozone's lack of er..um...nevermind.

Tiaras and Tantrums said...

oh man that looks like a great time!

Wendyburd1 said...

Jay you have...problems. LOL

Jenni Jiggety said...

Well now I think it looks like FUN...but I am a bit of a masochist.

CaJoh said...

Never got into the "on-ice" things. Having line of site problems reminds me of the U2 tickets I got that were 90 degrees of center stage and three rows from the back— I had a concert that evening and didn't mind not going.

Crazy Mama said...

And I am so lucky that my kids aren't into this kind of thing :) Now if it were monster trucks on ice well then we'd probably have to go.

Brenda said...

How much did you pay for all this fun?

Just curious.

CassJustCurious said...

When does this "on ice" spectacle start? Do I have years to brace myself? Please say five years....please say at least five years.

mommaof4wife2r said...

you are cracking me up...
sadly, we are set to go on wednesday and i am just thrilled to get the fam together...and since there's only a goofy and overdramatized expectation from my end, i think i'll be okay...

as for mrs incredible's butt...that is just tooo much!!!!

Bren said...

Hilarious! Your bit about Fro-Zone's package sent me over the edge with laughter.

My daughter begged to go to this but we were out of town that week. Lucky me!

Tiffany said...

LMAO You know those characters in the suits are really cussing all those kids there. At least I would be. LOL

Rachel said...

Fro Zone and The butt comments just sent me into gales of laughter!

The pic of your daughter is precious but the one of your wife and daughter.. gorgeous!

Thank you for the giggles ;-) We haven't experienced this special brand of Hell yet.

TL said...

What a great post! I am cracking up.

Kelli @ Gohn Crazy said...

*LOL* It sounds like a dream come true though for a little cutie like that.

April said...

love that mrs incredible is a babywearing mama. LOL

Lorina said...

haha.. Good times.

And your right.. cute as hell! I love that top picture.

Luanne said...

I just spent the last 5 days IN Disney World. Chip and Dale get the shaft there too. They should just retire...seriously.

Precious picture at the end. A couple of beauties you got there Jay!!

Deb said...

how much did you have to throw down for souvenirs?

Jenn P. said...

I have to say that was a wonderful rendition of Disney on Ice! We go when ever it comes to town too and I always wonder why after. Your wife and daughter are just gorgeous by the way!

CC said...

I can't imagine actually paying money for that kind of thing.... but if someone else wants to take my kids--go for it!

Linda S said...

very cute! I remember taking my kids and they loved it...I told them this year that 15, 17, and 19 is a little too old and to save the seats for the little kids...

Lee the MWOB Queen said...

I'm with deb...the only thing worse than sitting through the physical manifestation of " when hell freezes over" is to come home with a pile of expensive crap to be strewn about the house...

which makes me wonder what was fro's theme-based souvenir?

Tony said...

Jay I feel for you brother. The kids love them but it is some of the purest form of torture for us. Next is Hannah Montana. Oy Vey

Rhonda said...

If Frozone was that amazing, you should have gotten a frontal picture! lol

Kidding. Seriously!

Typically, anywhere there will be a million kids is not somewhere I want to be! But it does look like it was a good time!

Ms. Kathy said...

So cute! Now I want to go!!

The picture of your wife is cute too...but she has all he clothes on and we both know how I feel about that.

Shellie said...

Glad you had so much "fun".

scrappysue said...

you should start an i hate disney club lol. sometimes disney's just a bit too much isn't it?

Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

It's like that Oscars broadcast with Rob Lowe and Snow White doing a bump and grind... Ha!

p.s. Jay... I know you have that motherlode award, but I felt compelled to pass on another award to you. Come by to pick 'er up!

Eudea-Mamia said...

You're such a good Daddy - you say the phrase "it's not about you" to yourself.

I usually have to whisper it in my hubby's ear.

Dad of the Year material!

Jenners said...

I think yours might be the only blog that my husband would tolerate and find amusing. This would pretty much be his take on it too...but we would never go because we are indoctrinating our kid AGAINST all things Disney.

Kristen said...

The pictures were perfect!

But the commentary was priceless!!

Great PSF!

Lindsay said...

LOL - that cracks me up.

Thanks for visiting and for the nice words.

lisaschaos said...

:) I don't think I could do that, even for my kids. Too many peoples! I just don't like crowds. :) Lovely photos though and now I feel like I went and saved the stress of tons of peoples. :)

tommie said...

This was hilarious! I don't think I have laughed so much about a Disney on Ice post in ever.

Thanks so much for visiting my PSF...

Adding you to Google Reader now.

dadshouse said...

Your Fro-zone comment is hilarious.

posthumous pointer
To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one's self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived - this is to have succeeded. - Emerson