Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Does this ass make my pants look fat?

I had been driving my ass around in a dump truck for far too long. And what with my life expectancy being only slightly more than my current age (exaggerating, I know, just hang with me a minute), I felt it was time to shed some of the bubblewrap I had been protecting myself with for 10 years. Ok, 20 years. Cmon, give a bruthuh a break... 35 years.

I had just come down from the proverbial and literal mountain (Colorado), and after having my chunky and pasty seat cushion handed to me on the way to 10000 feet by my alarmingly fit 40 yr old friend Paul, I made the fateful decision.

And then, as I finished off a bowl of guacamole with my finger that evening, and shared a story about how I had never taken off my wedding ring (like I had a choice without the Jaws of Life), I realized I had yet to hit rock bottom. But surely after 2 weeks of hiking and chasing my kids at a higher altitude than my girth likes to accommodate, surely I lost weight, right? Surely?

Gained 10 pounds. Forgot the guac, forgot the vodka, forgot the beer, forgot the vodka, forgot the queso, and forgot the guac. and the vodka.

Ok, that's it, it's coming off. NOW. And if none of you have visited Rock Bottom in May, it's beautiful. Go, you wont regret it.

I got serious, and unreasonable, and determined. I dropped 30 pounds in 2 months... I covered the how in a separate post. It's easy enough, once you set your mind to it, and I did. But once I hit around that 25 pound mark, the comments started coming...

"Wow, you look great!"
"I cant believe how much weight you have lost!!"
"Have you lost, like, a LOT of weight?"

Really dramatic comments...shocked looks...that's the thing about Body Dysmorphic Disorder...I thought I looked fine before, but it turns out...I was fat. The real tip-off should have been that my clothing was dramatically too big now, clown-like in some cases, and that I now looked like a hobo in my suits. My self perception had never allowed for how fat I was, I guess. I have always looked in the mirror and seen fat, even when others convinced me I looked emaciated.

So, yes, I feel good. And I guess I NOW look good. The real question that keeps coming to mind is...

Exactly HOW fat was I??!!

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Anonymous said... still giggling from the title

Kristen Zirkle said...

You mean that second chocolate cupcake I just ate will not make me look like Heidi Klum???

Jay and Kat said...

Oh wait...I should have been more specific...none of this applies to cupcakes. Cupcakes are fine. Go for it.

posthumous pointer
To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one's self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived - this is to have succeeded. - Emerson