Monday, September 29, 2008

I feel you, dawg.


Some poor bastard from Canada arrived on my blog post tonight after Googling:

"how to fix your relationship when your wife thinks she is always right".

I feel sick that you went looking for help... and got me, my friend. And at the same time, I totally feel you. But the frustration you must have been feeling as you filled out that search box with the verbal summation of your pain...I cringe for you.

If you find your way back, we are here for you. One empathetic male and a small sea of female judgment await the story of your grief to use as our emotional volleyball...but I will tell you right now - It's not gonna be pretty. You are not right, nor am I, nor have we ever been.

You see, Timmy, they hold the keys to the kingdom. They are beautiful, intelligent, emotionally gifted, soft and warm, and they hold the only prize that our dumb asses think is worthy of seeking.

So suck it up, tell her you understand where she is coming from, and despite your genetic short-straw, you will try harder.

And once again, I feel terrible you landed here. To quote the movie Dune...

"They tried and failed?"

"They tried and died."

All of life's greatest mysteries are answered in the movies, my friend. Another time.

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20 comments:

Jenni Jiggety said...

You are a wise man! LOL!

Kristina P. said...

I love seeing what crazy things people Google to come to my blog.

I've had the word "rape" a couple of times. I really hope they didn't find what they were looking for.

Beadiful Things said...

how do you find what people googled that brings them to your blog? clueless!

Eudae-mamia said...

I wonder where your blog fell on Google - do you think you were before or after a Dr. Laura post?

And seriously, if you are Googling that question, you might as well call the lawyer.

Totally need to get hooked up to the Google info. Wonder how many people have questions about snakes in their toilet?

Em

Deb Williams said...

in response to ann, i think we need a blog retreat/seminar/drinking party stat. i don't have much creatively or technically to bring to the table, but i'll bring the booze.

Brittany said...

"He who can destroy a thing, controls a thing."

Ahhh...Dune was a movie full of wisdom, such is the task of a woman.

Willow said...

What to pack for a trip? "Leave the gun; bring the cannolis."

Cool post

Jay @halftime lessons said...

Ok, not only are they beautiful and "control the spice", but it turns out they have madddd chops on movie quotes too...I can see we are gonna have to explore this...

Jay @halftime lessons said...

Jenni- don't kid yourself...just ask Deb...I'm an idiot.

Beadiful Ann - I randomly knock on doors in my neighborhood to see if anyone just googled something...sometimes I get lucky.

Em - do NOT get me started on "Doctor" Laura... I would square off with her personally, but she won't take her foot off my crotch.

Deb - My wife says I can go on your retreat, but I have to leave the penis hanging on a nail in the garage. Notice I didn't say "my" penis...I am only allowed visitation for imminent needs.

Kristina- absolutely frightening...definitely a "what I don't know" moment...

Brittany - Any woman who quotes Dune BACK to me gets the Daily Fan-Fucking-Tastic award.

Willow - LOVE where your head is at...
"I speak english - Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Wednesday..."

heartacheorheartburn said...

Awesome! I love when people google the absurd to find blogs. Of course my blog has very few hits so I don't get many google searches hitting it I guess. Maybe I should write a post about something perverted. Then I would get all kinds of awesomeness I'm sure!

Oh...and I never got back to you before. I would love to trade blogroll links!

Deb Williams said...

so i see you aren't giving up your inside info. answer me this... do you have to tag your blog at the bottom for people to be able to google you? give us something useful, don't just flatter us (but keep that up, too).

and yes, you are an idiot. i'll vouch.

Jay @halftime lessons said...

@ Deb - my apologies, o forward one. I responded directly to Ann with her question, should have just responded in general.

I dont know what degree the tagging at a bottom of the post helps anything but Blogger find the content of your posts...but I will say that Google automatically indexes your blog, so after some time, traffic, and linkage, if a guy like this one does a general google search, he may be sent directly to your blog, depending on its content. In this case, he found mine because I had a post that was entitled "My wife is always right...Except when I am"...pretty close to what he was searching for, so it prob came up high in the google search results.
If you want to monitor your blog traffic, you can put the FeedJit widget on your sidebar, and then you can watch the comings and goings.

Momisodes said...

*Copy*

*Paste*

*Forwards off to member of household*

Last week, someone found me searching for "does popping hips after intercourse favor boy or girl conceptions."

Luanne said...

Love this post!! You are a very wise man...I am forwarding this to my husband!!

Have a great afternoon :)

Good N Crazy said...

Ha! Dawg indeed.

And I keep seeing your stump the... phrase and think is says Mormon!

(happen to be one...so it's funny to me at least).

Kristen Zirkle said...

Sorry to say it has been a few days, but I am all caught up now. Poor dawg....

amelia bedelia said...

man, you are whooped! Good job, to your sweet wife!!

Wendyburd1 said...

Ooohhh I agree movies have the wisest knowledge and you are a WISE man who knows that women are always right. I applaud your advice to the poor lowly soul, LOL!

Frogs in my formula said...

Dune? Oh no, another one bites the dust.

Laski Gal said...

Oh, my. Where have you been all my life???

Writing "another flippin' blog", duh.

Seriously. Doesn't Google just make you laugh (and cry)?

Google USERS, that is . . .

posthumous pointer
To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one's self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived - this is to have succeeded. - Emerson