Saturday, February 14, 2009

Happy Frickin Valentines


Bought my wife a bracelet I can tell she hates.

Both kids have started the weekend whine-a-thon exactly on schedule.

The computer I worked so hard to fix last night has a slight smoky smell to it.



You know what, my beautiful bloggy friends? We need a giggle. My best friend Tommie called a couple of nights ago, with one of his patented hair-brained withdrawals from his dark and twisted mind...and this one made me laugh out loud.

Today's exercise: I would like for each of you who want to play, to come up with Three Items. The significance of these items will be that if you were at the grocery store and you walked up to the register with ONLY these three items, the cashier would find it so alarming they would freak out good and proper.

So, for example, envision walking up to the register with:

A tub of Hummus
Crackers
Rat Poison

Or picture the face of the cashier as you approach with:

K-Y Warming Liquid
A VERY large Eggplant
Tuck's Medicated pads


Ahhhh, that's better...smiling already...wanna play?


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34 comments:

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

LOL! I am sure your wife loves the bracelet--we girls love jewelry!

OK this only two but it was two my husband bought at the book store last summer and I found it hysterical:

1. "How to Talk to God"
2." How to Win an Argument Every time"

shauna said...

a box of chocolate covered cherries
a prescription for "roofies"
and duct tape

Sarah said...

I don't have a list yet but that is definitely a good giggle!

Natalie said...

you definitely made me giggle..

and girls love all jewelry. It starts way back in preschool with the edible candy necklaces. We just can't help ourselves.

Halftime Lessons said...

LMAO you guys are great...

Lisa- That's awesome...I cant win an argument with my wife let alone the big man.

Shauna- I almost peed myself. You are SO not appropriate. FANTASTIC.

Halftime Lessons said...

Sarah- Nice to see you! Come back of you think of a good one!

Natalie- I'm trying to make it right...I'm taking her to the mall later so we can shop for a replacement...a big step for me, going to the mall three times in two months.

Stacy (Random Cool Chick) said...

Oh man, I'm going to have to put some thought into this one...when my mind is slightly less in the gutter! ;)

My hubby bought me a tennis bracelet for my birthday one year - but he wasn't happy with his choice, so before I even opened it, he told me that if I didn't like it, we could exchange it that day...I loved it, but he was still jonesin' over a different one he saw - it had more diamonds in it, so of course I didn't say 'no' when he suggested we go exchange the one he had already bought! (snicker!) I'm sure your wife loves the bracelet, but since you're projecting your insecurity on your selection, she'll go along with the exchange... ;) Besides, isn't it the thought that counts? You ROCK in that department, so you did great! :)

Deb said...

a box of tampons
bottle of lighter fluid
book of matches

am i doing it right?

Kristina P. said...

I got nothin'! This is hard. Boo.

The Daily Blonde said...

Condoms
E.P.T test
and all five of my kids

wait...that's 7 things...

just a girl... said...

Hamster Food
KY Jelly
Tongs

jill jill bo bill said...

Giant trash bags
duct tape
bleach

Sarahlcc♥ said...

Lighter fluid
matches
the American flag

(I live in one of the many alleged buckles of the Bible Belt)

Shannon said...

Oh I am sure you wife probably likes it or at least appreciates the thought. Us women are much easier to please than we let on. :)

I like Lisa's lol. :)

1. Tampons
2. A pregnancy test
3. Condoms

Carrin said...

That is just freakin' funny!

Here goes...

Ex-Lax
Chocolate cake mix
Valentine's Day card!

Jyl @ MommyGossip said...

Jay.... you crack me up! Maybe we need to put our kids in a room together and all go out for Valentine's. The whining is going strong over here as well :).

As far as items from the grocery store. Hmmmmmm.... what about:

1. Matches
2. Lighter Fluid
3. How to Rebound From the Poor Economy for Builders

No, I'm not in this industry. But, I was watching the news and saw three homes burn to a crisp and arson as the reason. Hmmmmmmm!

Happy Valentine's Day! BTW: Did we get your post scheduled. Have you heard from Carissa? Let me know if you haven't :)!

Tony said...

We do not do Valentines Day around here except for the kids. Why you may ask? Well, because it is a fucking silly day. You should show your wife or husband or significant other you love them everyday, not just some randomly assigned day in the middle of winter that some marketing Jackhole says we must. Please, what a racket. The same concept should apply to Mother's day and Father's Day.

KY Yours & Mine
fondue chocolate
hair perm kit with extreme hi-lites

April said...

oh oh - i want to play...

i'm going waddle to the register with a bottle of 151, a pack of smokes, a nudie mag, a cock-ring (they sell them next to the condoms at our grocery store!!!), a tube of monistat and a pillow stuffed in my shirt :-D

and maybe one organic tomato.

April said...

apparently i didn't read the rules... three items... hmmm...

razor blades, cupcakes and a 'get well soon' card.

Lacey said...

1) Box of chocolate
2) Bottle of wine
3) Poison

(Evil laughter.)

Cassie said...

Happy Frickin VD to you too!

1. Black Ski mask
2. Toy Machine Gun
3. Maximum Strength Pamprin

Carol @SheLives said...

Home pregnancy test
Always Maxi Pads
can of whipped cream

Well, I went and read the other comments. I'm not being very original. One more try:

sack of dry dog food
packet of gravy mix
box of plastic spoons

Better?

How about . . .
Bottle of wine
Package of straws
Ibuprophen

Eudea-Mamia said...

6-pack of Mountain Dew
Box of Depends
Complete boxed DVD set of Season 1-4 of "Lost"

Hope your weekend is getting better :-) Em

The Eadle Family said...

LMAO!ThatIsFunny!I'mSorryIAmTypingLikeThis,My,space,bar,is,broken,:(,,,had,to,reply,though

Beth said...

HUGE tub of vaseline
Bag of plastic gloves
Cough drops

Jenni Jiggety said...

Let me just say this: At least you got your wife a bracelet. I got something I am forbidden to blog about...but let's just say there was no hiding the WTF that appeared in my eyes when he gave it to me. Bah.

And I say:

super glue
tampons
grated cheese

Denise said...

Fleet enema
Disposable camera
Trash bags

Jay....this is THE funniest post ever. Seriously, me and hubby are crying from laughing so hard!

Denise said...

Bottle of whiskey
K-Y
Tater tots


(this was from hubby)

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

roll of duct tape
can of powdered infant formula
cheapest bottle of vodka/sake in the store

The Soladay Family said...

Jay...you are SUCH a guy! Congratulations! =)

niCk (Mem Beth) said...

Love this game and comments:

This one I actually saw.

Pack of Tortillas
Salsa
Can of Dog Food

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

Great exercise. It made me laugh out loud.

TommieT said...

I'm the twisted friend...

My 2 cents...

A LARGE can of Metamucil
4 cups of coffee
A really long book.

(and then hope and pray my legs don't go to sleep and the house catches fire)

Sharlene said...

Oh my husband and I have played that game so many times. Our favorite is a pregnancy test, a hanger and a bottle of whiskey. I know, we are sick

posthumous pointer
To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one's self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived - this is to have succeeded. - Emerson