Friday, February 20, 2009

On the road...

Headed to a friend's house for the weekend. Been a frustrating week, and now I get to clear my head and breathe easy while two young kids try to kill me in my car. Two things are keeping me alive at this point while my wife tries to make me puke with her herky jerky driving: fast food in an hour, and vodka and port at our destination.

I just pulled out my first "parentism" of our short jaunt...

"Be quiet or I'll knock your heads together!!"

Thanks Mom...that one's a keeper. Anyone have verbal abuse from the car rides of their past they wish to share with the class?

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20 comments:

Kristina P. said...

I think your daughter may have a career in serial killer movies.

Under the Influence said...

My dad didn't have to say a word, he would just reach for the yard stick that folded (tri-fold) to the size of a ruler. He kept it between the bucket seats and the thought of him having to get that thing out was enough to keep us in line.

Alicia said...

Oh that's too funny! Hope you have a safe & fun trip!

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

I remember my dad saying "I can pull this car over anytime and start smacking people." Sometimes he shortened it to the popular "Don't make me pull this car over"

There was also "The next person who kicks my seat will be kicked in *their* seat"

But Dad never pulled over. Not until you convinced him your bladder was about to burst all over the pleather seats. He was a man on a mission on road trips & wasn't pulling over for anyone.

He did keep a fly swatter int eh front seat though and would swing indiscriminately back at us. But what with the seats being so high & us not having to wear seatbelts he never got near us

Eudea-Mamia said...

We were too busy sliding around on the flattened metal seat in the back of our 1976 Mecury Cougar stationwagon to be any bother. If it got bad, Dad would just pull a sharp corner, and slam us up against the windows.

Ah, no seat belt laws - now those were the days.

Safe travels!!

(pssst, I know where Jay hides the key - par.tay!)

Jenn@mylifewiththecrazies said...

My dad used to say "quiet or I will pull this car over and you two can walk the rest of the way" though he never did follow thru! I have been tempted to do that with my own kids though! Have a great weekend!

Momma@Live. Laugh. Pull your hair out said...

Ooo...thats a good one. I always threaten to pull over, take them out and they can walk home. Once I actually stopped, got out, walked around to let them out and they behaved pretty darn quickly.

Ooo...and once I told them that I was going to get pulled over by a cop because they were being too loud and I couldnt concentrate........and then I was actually pulled over.......fun times.

Kristen Zirkle said...

Stop and get them some Kolaches! That will keep them quiet-it does me. :)

Candice said...

"If I have to tell you XYZ ONE MORE TIME..."

"Don't make me reach back there!"

"Aidan, fart one more time and you'll see what happens to you!"

Ren @ The Land of Ren said...

My Mom's favorite was "I have no problem making you walk."

Hope you have a safe trip.

Jenners said...

"I will stop at the next rest stop and leave you if you don't shut up now." --- My Dad

"Jiminy Cricket -- stop touching your brother or I'll get the wooden spoon when we get home." ---My Mom

Ahhhh...family car rides. Good times, good times.

The Mom Jen said...

"Do you want me to CRASH this car?!"

Oh the money i'd make if I patented the limo window in EVERY car. ...bzzzz window up. sound proof.

Candace Jean July 16 said...

We got the "get out and walk" talk whenever we complained, especially if we asked "are we there yet?" My most horrible memory was riding in the back of the Buick while mom and dad chain smoked in the front. We coughed and gagged and if we complained, it was....."get out and walk..." Ugh. Thanks for the reminder :(

Saundra@ItalianMamaGoneCrazy said...

My parents are immigrants from italy, so imagine our car rides...
"Godfather" style...

"Youa bettera nota pissa mea offa... I'ma gonna kicka youa butta, butta gooda... youa capisco?"

and my Mama would threaten to pull the car over and "Leavea youa herea!"

Young Momma said...

Have fun!!!

Beth said...

My mother's line was "Quit crying or I'll give you something to cry about."

For the record, when I used it on my sons, it didn't work too well.

Cassie said...

No verbal abuse...just mental abuse. We made a trek between Illinois and Missouri several times a year when I was a kid. You know the roads that are blasted through high cliffs of rock...they have signs that say "Watch For Falling Rock"....my Mom told me that "Falling Rock" was an Indian, that ran naked in the woods. 45 minutes into our 5 hour trip, I would stare intently out the window, hoping to see a naked Indian named "Falling Rock". Damn Indian NEVER showed his face!

Beadiful Things said...

I had one, but then I forgot it while laffing my ass off at Kristina's comment.

Beadiful Things said...

Okay, I remembered. Not a comment, but one time my dad actually did kick me out of the car and drove off. He pulled around the block and made me wait a minute or two and then came back to get me.

I should've gotten myself abducted. That woulda shown him!

Sharlene said...

I often threaten to leave my kids by the side of the road. One day I will do it dangit!

posthumous pointer
To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one's self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived - this is to have succeeded. - Emerson