Monday, February 16, 2009

Tuesday's Tribute - You Are Not Welcome Here.


Every year you come. You come under the guise of love, of adoration, of pressure and disappointment. You come on Valentines Day.

On my least favorite of holidays, you arrive with suddenly-five-dollar-greeting-cards, and incomprehensibly-inflated-fifty-dollar-flowers. Your buddies try to teach my wife that I don't love her every other day of the year, my kids that they aren't popular unless their valentines bag runneth over. One guy in Belgium keeps trying to sell me blood diamonds to profess my love. And I've had it.

So this tribute is to you, Conversation Hearts. You sugary and seemingly inconsequential bowl squatter. Your days of jumping onto my waistline as I try to sneak past are nearly through. You and your pals are on extremely shaky ground with guys like me. I am almost ready to cut you back to three bags a week...I could not be more fucking serious.

Finish your business and get the hell out.



Tuesday's Tribute
Yet Another Jay and Deb Production.

To participate in Tuesday's Tribute, Fill out a Mr. Linky below with your name and URL address to your Tribute. Need a details, or a button? Go Here.


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46 comments:

Beth said...

I heart you! Oh, and I love those conversation hearts, too.

Becky said...

Thanks for your comment :)
I love conversation hearts, though, I haven't even seen any for many years and now that I am married Valentine's Day kinda doesn't happen anymore so I probably wont see them ever again!

An Help Meet said...

I would so be in the top five if I could actually SEE the d@mned Mr. Linky to Link up!

http://anhelpmeet.blogspot.com/2009/02/original-proverb-31-woman.html

I always pulled the lamest hearts. "ubrkmyhart"
"Ihtu"
"urgrss"

It's all about the designer chocolates now.

Alice

Jenners said...

Really? You like those? I think they are awful! They don't tempt me in the slightest ... probably one of the few things that do!

Halftime Lessons said...

Becky and An Help Meet- I tried to reply to BOTH of you, but you are NO REPLY COMMENTERS!!! ARRRGGGHHHH!!! PLEASE read my post from yesterday!!!

An Help Meet-
Try emptying your browser cache and temp files...if you dont know how to do this, email me at halftimelessons@gmail.com with which browser you use and Ill help.
Jay

Jen said...

I only like the orange ones and thats it. The others taste like poo! Yuck.

Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

I don't even really care for those damn conversation hearts but for some reason if they are around I'll eat them...I do the same thing with candy corn which I also dislike.

An Help Meet said...

Sorry Jay, I'll go fix that.......

Alice

Candice said...

I could not agree more. I'd rather have an anal probe than be submitted to Valentine's Day every freaking year.

BTW, those conversation hearts taste like Pepto bismol. GAG

Under the Influence said...

Does anyone really eat those? They are the candy corn of Valentine's Day.

An Help Meet said...

arrghghg, that didn't work ~ I cleared everything from both firefox and internet explorer.

Sera said...

This post has me in stitches. You are so frickin' hilarious.

Straight to Your Hart said...

Evil..D@#$ candy.

I am feelin the love there Jay. BTW..what did you do for your family..LOL!

I wonder if they'd make good sugar cubes for a hot cup of coffee?! Straight sugar they are!!

Think I've had to many because I am rambling..Have a good day..tehe..okay bed!

jill jill bo bill said...

So the underwear i made for you out of the heart candy you will or won't like? I am confused.

Annie said...

I hate those things! Ick!

BoufMom9 said...

LOL ! Sounds like you and my hubby would get along great :)

ps You are so welcome about your button being on my blog. I just love what you are doing and as a personal friend of The Whitt family, I am amazed at the outpouring of love for them and they are humbled.

Young Momma said...

LOL I am proud to say we do not allow them in our house. Can't stand those things!

Doublebanker said...

The orange ones are the best conversation hearts! The green ones are nasty...

Check out my giveaway when you get a chance!

DB

Soxy Deb said...

Way to draw the line there Jay. Show em who's boss.

Jenni Jiggety said...

Duuuuude....did you see the Gobstopper hearts? I just picked up 5 more bags on clearance.

I have a problem.

angie said...

I hate those pesky converstation hearts. Might have something to do with finding them all over my house. :)

CaJoh said...

My wife and I were passing candy hearts during a church meeting before we were married— one of them said "Marry Me" how cool was that.

John, Jessica and Emma said...

That was frickin awesome!!! I love it!!!

But I actually do think they are gross... very funny!!!

Now I have to figure out what I am going to post about.... :)

Jessica

Eudea-Mamia said...

Hold that thought - I'm sending you my Oldest's stash from the school party.

I'm tired of the Youngest using them for driveway art projects...

Brenda Jean said...

Don't be dissing the conversation hearts. I LOVE them...simply adore these dollar a bag treats. I was bummed to arrive at the store for just ONE more bag and they were sold out. Sigh.

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

I've never liked the conversation hearts. They are icky

Average Girl In Average World said...

I can not eat those damn things, they remind me of chalk (don't ask).

Momma@Live. Laugh. Pull your hair out said...

I avoid those because...wel...umm...I prefer chocolate.

Next is Easter and those yummy cream filled eggs!!!

Michelle said...

LOL! For me conversation hearts are like eating little pieces of sugary chalk. Yuck! :)

The Eadle Family said...

LMAO! You have candy, I have chocolate.

Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting said...

Fanfrickentabulous!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brittany said...

Ugh, they are a pain, especially when the green and yellow ones are still hanging around 2 weeks later because they are the grossest colors.

Becky Sue said...

LOL .. I love it!
I lost touch with Tuesday's Tribute - just couldn't be creative like you have been!

Mariah said...

I bought a butt load of those things this year for my kids class and when I opened them...all fuzzy. Couldn't read a single one. Stupid candy!

I linked this morning and when I returned, it must not have worked so I tried again...we will see.

Mariah said...

yay, my linked worked. I'm not a COMPLETE idiot:)

Sharlene said...

LMAO. I think conversation hearts taste like crap but my husband is a huge fan. I swear the taste like sweet chalk

Deb said...

i've decided that march is my favorite month. no holidays. or can easter sometimes be in march? maybe i should go with june. but that's when the kids get out of school, so that's definitely NOT my favorite.

Christina said...

Conversation hearts don't even make it into my house.

Momisodes said...

I am such a sucker for those.

Once, in the third grade. This boy I had a major crush on gave me a "be mine" candy heart (probably along with everyone else in the class).

I kept it....for years.

Yes, I am a loser.

Tenakim said...

That is one thing that doesn't tempt me- I really should buy more of those!!! I wouldn't be staring at these dove chocolates and drooling and knowing I'm going to give in to their smooth rich goodness!

I linked up- better late than never, right?

Ren said...

ROFL!!! This is hilarious!

Haley Nicodemus said...

Ewww...those are like eating chalk with words on it. Yuck.

Suzanne said...

hope i did it correctly. sorry. great post.

Mama Kat said...

The white ones are my favorite.

OH! How interesting...an ad right below this post on romantic getaways...I wonder...

Heatherlyn said...

I'm not a conversation heart person. I mean, they are cute to look at. They make nice decoration. But if I'm going to get sugar in my system it is going to be something GOOD and conversation hearts just don't cut it.

Wep said...

This was perfect. I feel the same way about candy corn.

posthumous pointer
To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one's self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived - this is to have succeeded. - Emerson