Friday, February 6, 2009

How do you love?


I wrote this on the way home last night. My mom was scheduled for surgery today, but due to a somewhat ironic twist, her surgeon is sick. So now she has been bumped a week, until Friday 13th. I know. Don't say it. So while I am in Cancer mode, I'll just remind you all...to donate just a little would mean the world to some kids yet to have their lives rocked by a terrible disease. Please help. And to those of you who already have, I am humbled by your generosity and faith in me to put this money in the right hands.

Also!! make sure you go see what Lee and Em have planned for to honor Tuesday Whitt tomorrow...what an AMAZING idea.




How do you love?

My mom taught me how. She used her happiness, her pain, her youth and naivite, her age and experience, and she loved. The thing about men and love is, some feel like lesser men if they express it, even feel it. My mother forgot to teach me that lesson.

Instead, She described to me the beauty of a tulip, the good in my father, the decadence of a bar of sweet chocolate, the way a movie lifted her. She felt in her whole being these things that showed easily on her face. Then she did everything she could to describe what she was feeling, though I'm sure the words never reached the intensity of the beauty she felt.

As the years passed, as we all do, I found my own pain. Scarred by a woman, disappointed by a friend, leathered by life. It only took a few falls before responses were no longer cheerful, laughs were no longer plentiful, and the lines on my face my face and hands were the record of those who I felt had wronged me. Self-indulgent lines that, for a time, I made no attempt to ignore.

But that's the thing about love, and the real lesson my mother taught me. With the fundamental lessons of being ABLE to love, find love, and BE loved in place, it was only time that stood between me and the ability to amplify those lessons. And when the time was right, I opened my soul to another, and asked her to be mine. She gave me a daughter, and then a son. And as though unconsciously tapping my toes to music faintly rising, I was loving again.

Often I am ribbed for my feminine side, and there was a time when the jeers bothered me, but no longer. For I know what an unbelievable blessing I've been given...to feel, and to love. I'm a man of few talents, but this I can give my kids easily. Just by seeing it on my face, and loving.

I love you, Mom.

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24 comments:

Doublebanker said...

I was taught to do the little things to show your love...a little of the unexpected and a little of the more helpful type stuff.

SuperBowl XLII gifs added

Summer said...

I only hope I can raise my son in the same way! I loved this Jay! Good to have you back!

Tony said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Girl Friday said...

I've always believed Friday the 13th is a lucky day.

She will be in my thoughts...positive!

Tony said...

Jay , I am humbled to be your friend. You bring so much to this world. ( even when you are a sarcastic, cranky SOB.) I know you have said to me that there is a lot of testosterone in my home. Yes, but there is a lot of love and I believe in being able to show the love you speak of. Without it our kids would have a void that can not be store bought to fix. I applaud you for not being afraid to show sensitivity , shed a tear etc. It makes you more of a real man and a great father.

Danita said...

That was beautiful Jay. I hope to be a mother who teaches love to my children. Thank you for sharing this.

The Frugal Angel-Guided Psychic said...

Oh Jay, what a beautiful soul you have. So lovely that you share your thoughts with us. I can't imagine how proud your mother is of you and what a terrific example you set for the next generation. Thank you.

Blessings to you and to your dear mother,
Kara

Bee and Rose said...

Just beautiful...your mother must delight in your spirit:) A lovely, lovely post. Thanks for brightening my day:)

Under the Influence said...

What a lucky family you have. And a good mom, too! I hope my hubs and I can teach our three boys these same things.

jsprik said...

great letter to your mom!! i think a guy who isn't afraid to show his feminine side is the most manly. as long as it's not too feminine!! these macho men who think they shouldn't cry or show their love for a woman make me sick!! **slaps the macho men** ps will be praying for your mom!!
**prayers and happy thoughts**

Annie said...

very sweet!
I think Friday the 13th for people whomare superstitious, like myself, is actually a good day!
Blessings to your mom.

Eudea-Mamia said...

My husband loves with all his heart as well. It amazes me every day.

I find it very masculine, and sexy. Yet again, I say your wife is a lucky lady.

Good thoughts for your mom.

Thanks for the linky love! It was all Lee's idea, I just figured out Mr. Linky :-)

angi_b72 said...

Your mom should be proud!! That was an awesome post!!

Lee the MWOB Queen said...

Oh Jay - I love when you write about your mom. What an incredible woman she is and I'm learning a thing or two from her too. Amazing.

I LOVE men who are in touch with their feminine side. I agree with Em - it is sexy. :-)

Prayers for your mom...

Lee

Dawn said...

What a beautiful tribute to your mother. What you wrote speaks volumes about her and how she raised you.

Lacey said...

That's really beautiful, Jay. I love it. :D

Young Momma said...

....Jay....

No words...

That was beautiful. :)

((hugs))

jill jill bo bill said...

And this sweet dear Jay, is why I love you.
You may continue to stalk me because I know that you come from good blood. But I won't stop making fun of you and giving you a difficult time just because you made me tear up today.
P.S. I also believe the 13th holds good blessings.

Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting said...

So beautiful, Jay. *hugs* for you and your mother. I'm keepin' her in my thoughts.

Christina said...

Beautiful!

Metamor4sis.com said...

I am a new follower of your blog. Don't change your "feminine" side :)

Sera said...

What a wonderful post. Your mama taught you well. :)

Soxy Deb said...

Jay that was beautiful.
I will keep your mom in my thoughts this week.

Beth said...

That was the nicest, most sincere post about your mom. I love the emotion you portray here.

posthumous pointer
To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one's self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived - this is to have succeeded. - Emerson