Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Tuesday's Tribute - Sweet sustenance, thy name is Wendy.


How do I justify thee? Let me count the ways.

As a strapping man of many stone, I understand my worth, for yea that mine own intake may not exceed 2800 calories on the morrow.
As well my morning coffee cost me but a trifle, a mere 50 calories in nonfat milk, and four sweeteners sent to adorn and please my palate from the very Gods above.

Upon the path to the stable, I was confronted by the stealth and savory wit of a banana, and I laid with it for a time. She was sweet, but she cost me. 110 calories, save I return to the bunch.

But only 160 into the warmth of the morning sun, my gait was strong, my fears unrealized, my intent noble, for I knew my luncheon fate lay ahead as the sun rose to its peak. A tireless seductress was sure to tempt me with the fruit of her loins, and my will to resist would be no match for the strength of her greasy fill, and her chocolaty ambrosia.

What woman is this, who can see the breadth and depth of a man's need? What heartless siren takes the very will of a man in trade for her delights? One could barely push her name past one's lips for fear of utter surrender.

Hours passed, and as if summoned by my wanton spirit...

she suddenly laid in front of me.



Her garments trembled in the breeze beneath her, as if they themselves were aware of her undeniable strength over a man. As the world behind me blurred with unimportance, and without regard to any consequence, I knelt to take her with the warm sun on my back pushing me down, down, down.

I paused, and held still for a time. And as if to softly return me to the moment, she whispered, "950 calories...that still leaves 1700 for dinner, My Lord. Please don't make me beg, sir?"

I fell on her again with a savage fury, satiating my every urge until the scrape of my plastic spoon began to yield waxy disappointment, and I fell back in exhaustion. In a prideful swoop I adjusted my belt to recover my girth, and looked at her remaining garments not with guilt, but with the eyes of a man who had found freedom. She had pushed me, and I had taken her. There was no remorse clinging to my spirit, nor would there be...

until I found her sister...


(PS - Yes, this post may seem like it is about me, but it is ultimately a tribute to the Wendy's Single and Large Chocolate Frosty. Yes, we are pretty stringent with the rules around here at Tuesday's Tribute...Have fun!!)

Tuesday's Tribute
Yet Another Jay and Deb Production.




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48 comments:

Honey Mommy said...

Mmm... I need to go get a frosty now!

Stacy's Random Thoughts said...

Now I, too, have a hunger that needs to be fed! ;)

CassJustCurious said...

My need for a frosty leaves me clinging to food journal.

Candace Jean July 16 said...

I could never compete with that post. But as a nurse who cares for heart patients (and yes, some are your age), may I suggest a Daniel fast?

Deni said...

MMMMM, I had Wendy's tonight...mmmm

Tenakim said...

frosty has never been sexier! Nice job!

Tony said...

They closed the one by our home. I guess for my betterment. I agree though, that Wendy , oh sweet Wendy can bring even the strongest of men to their knees. I am a Jr. bacon cheese, small fries, med frosty guy.

Jenners said...

This was hilarious! Loved it! And I'm glad you are fast and loose with the Tuesday Tribute as I am recycling my Monday Post for Tuesday Tribute as I used it to pay homage to my favorite photo blogger! Got to recycle and save the Earth, right?

Janie said...

you are killing me.

It's 10 pm and you done flung a Frosty's craving on me.

At the one establishment that's 24hrs in this town.

Good thing I'm in my pj's and it's colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra here.

I ain'ta gonna do it.

Under the Influence said...

This is my first time participating. Yes, I am a Tuesday's Tribute virgin!

Tony said...

What about 3cenomics? fact. Invest in thy stomach. fact. Cut ones own hair. LOL

Young Momma said...

I have like five names I want to throw at you right now!!! I am going to have to send my husband out for a frosty now. At almost 9:30. And he's probably going to argue it. ~sigh~ Here goes.

Deb said...

there are no words.

Beth said...

If God didn't want you to have a Frosty, he wouldn't have invented them. When I picture manna, I picture something like a Frosty. Heavenly!

Great post! I am impressed with your biblical style.

Jen said...

Oh man I get this! Totally!!!!

angi_b72 said...

Thanks...it is 839am and I now want Wendy's!! Great Tribute!

Chitown Meg said...

Haha!!! How dirty...I want Wendy too :) (and thanx for the comment! It will be second one....I'll just plan on sleeping in the bathroom like like last time!)

OHmommy said...

Oh my gawed it has been years since I inhaled a Frosty and now I need one. Badly.

Natalie said...

Wonderful post! But I do not need to start my day off with a Wendy's craving.

Sheri and George said...

You are sooooo naughty! What a wonderfully creative post! Almost makes me want a Frosty. Almost.

CaJoh said...

Used to work at Wendy's and one of the only things I liked were the Frosty Shakes.

Love the prose— makes it seem less guilty in the end.

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

Damn! That was quite a tribute!

angie said...

I never, ever knew......I'd better find a Wendy's soon!

Annie said...

Thanks for the link! I was just on my way over to do it!
I love Frosties! YUM!

jsprik said...

***gathers her composure** damn, that was about a burger?? lol great post!!

Denise said...

Awesome....you should be a Wendys spokesperson.

sticky said...

it's the frosty - fry combo that gets me every time...

April said...

omg, that burger looks like heaven. HEAVEN!

Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

I haven't had Wendy's in a while...I bet Wendy's is thankful for your free advertising in this down economy... it seems that you have insired a few people to make a fast food run!

Ali said...

I was doing just fine sitting here anticipating my cheese stick for lunch. Until now. Thanks a lot, Jay!

The Frugal Angel-Guided Psychic said...

You know, I've never met Wendy. I never knew she had so many sides to her. Next time I might not drive by her like all the others she's lined up with.... Gotta think, gotta think....

KatieZ said...

Just so you know...There is not a Wendy's in my little tiny town. I have to drive an hour just to get to one! So I guess I'll be driving that hour for lunch today! Thanks Jay!

Girl Friday said...

Brilliant, as usual.

Sera said...

Ooooh, makes me want french fries dipped in a frosty. Yum, yum. This was a hilarious post, and a heartfelt tribute, obviously. :)

Michelle said...

LOL! You beast!

When I was writing my first TT I thought, hmmm, this is kind of about me, but then how can you do a TT without it being a little bit about you? I don't think it is possible.

Lee the MWOB Queen said...

Jay - okay my tribute post just about killed me. I don't know if I will ever blog again - it took me so much time. You better go read it or you suck.

Just kidding.

Happy Tribute Day!

A Buns Life said...

Have you ever dipped your fries in the frosty? It is soooo yummy! It must be the salt with the sweetness of the chocolate. When you aren't counting calories give it a try some time. :)

SuZ said...

Holy hell! I'm starving now! And my mouth is watering, damn you! :p

Rita T. said...

That's a great tribute. Too bad it's so cold here right now. I need something HOT!

MomItForward Jyl and Carissa said...

Oh my heck, NOW I get your cigarette reference from twitter you wrote...

I'm thinking Arby's... oh oops I mean Wendy's...

Enjoy it.. and the gut...

@carissa_momif

kathy said...

My mom loves their frosty - I love the orange salad

Love your writing - just found you and I enjoy and will continue to follow anyone who makes me smile

;)

Christina said...

Mmmm, the frosty is delicious!

Eudea-Mamia said...

Wow - I think one of us needs a shower.

Anna Lefler said...

Hey, man...

Thanks for stopping by my blog today! One twisted ticket indeed...ha!

Your blog is fantastic...I'll be back!

:^) Anna

Sarahlcc said...

Fun times! I prefer a genuine A&W Root Beer float. Mmmmmmm, Blue Bell homemade vanilla.

Sera said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog, and for following. I get so excited I about do a happy dance when I see I've got a new follower (I know...easily amused). Anyway, I plan to do this weekly - I did the inaugural post last week. I think this is just a great idea - it gets the blogging section of the brain thinking in a new way to actually have to write something that's NOT about me (gasp!). I think your blog is a riot, and I'm going to have to send my husband over to check it out. He just started a blog about gaming. I think he'd like what you have to say. Thanks again for stopping by my blog.

Straight to Your Hart said...

That was so shakespearean...almost needed foot-notes....tehe!! Boy, she was already frosty...keepin it G!!!

I do love Wendy...for $.99 she sure is cheap, sweet, and goes down easy...I'll shut up!

Carol @SheLives said...

You could write culinary romance novels! Fast food sales would soar.

posthumous pointer
To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one's self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived - this is to have succeeded. - Emerson