Tuesday, January 27, 2009

A letter to my son.




Today is about you, my friend.

I want to tell you some things, things that you probably won't understand until you are much older. Maybe you'll even be a Daddy yourself when you feel what I'm going to tell you, and I hope you feel most of it for yourself.

Boys think their Daddys aren't scared of anything, but I have to tell you, I was scared of you.

See, I had a bit of a rough time as a kid. I was younger than the other boys, and had some stuff happen, and so I was afraid that if I had a little boy I would have to guide him through some of the things that life puts in the way, and I wasn't sure I could do a very good job.

It's easier for Daddys and their daughters, and harder. And your sister was such a pill, she really had me scared of adding to the family. But Mommy and I wanted to make our family grow, and wanted to make sure your sister could have a friend to love, so we tried again.



On the day you were born, the doctor asked, "Would you like to help?" Thinking he was just having fun with me, I replied, "Sure! But I could use some help!" And then as if to silence my arrogance, he handed me a gown and gloves, and took me to where you would join us. He took your head, and led it to the light of the room, and then asked me to step in, and take my son. You barely resisted before you entered my life, falling into my grasp. And you were born.



Any fears or insecurities I had about having a son have mostly gone now. You arrived as if to push those fears to the side, and accept what I had to offer without question. While I look into your face and worry about what has yet to come, you stare at me with eyes that could care less. Unconditionally accepting eyes. If I am going to disappoint you, I am really gonna have to want it. And I don't. I sometimes feel like I'm supposed to be tougher, and not hold and kiss you as much. I just can't seem to stop.



I promise you I will try to let you live your life without telling you how it will be, as long as you ask for help when you are confused. There is a lot I will not be able to give you, but a lot I can. All you ever have to say to me is, "Dad, can we please talk?" And we will.

I didn't know what I was going to be able to teach you if I still had residual doubts in my own life. The thing is, I'm going to try to not put my past on you. I want you to find your own way, and I want to help, too. There are things that may not be easy for you, and I may be able to help. But I'll try not to make my struggles your struggles.



After your sister was born, I thought I might not have enough love to give to another. And then you came. And I had enough love for you both, and Mommy too. Any fears I had before of having a son are now gone, and so are any memories of a full life without you. I'm only going to put pressure on you to do one thing...be happy.

So today I try to put down my own baggage, and help you avoid your own.

Happy Birthday, sweet boy. On this, your second birthday, I wish for you a life filled with the kind of love your Mommy and I feel for you.




Tuesday's Tribute
Yet Another Jay and Deb Production.




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54 comments:

Honey Mommy said...

What a sweet boy!

Jenni Jiggety said...

Aw Jay! That was beautiful and HE is beautiful! Happy Birthday, to him!

Tony said...

Nicely done Jay. Now kind of what I spoke about last WW , print it off. fold it and save it for him to read years from now. After 22 preferably.

Under the Influence said...

Perfect.

Happy birthday, little guy!

Kristen Zirkle said...

Happy Birthday sweet boy! Now is your b-day Wed?? It is on Facebook. E's is Friday-prepare yourself-it's a sleepover.

Eudea-Mamia said...

Damn you. I'm crying.

So sweet - the birthday boy, and his daddy.

Happy Birthday!!

Straight to Your Hart said...

What a cutie....he is!! Happy Birthday to him. Very wise and sweet words. A blessed family you are....:)

Sera said...

Shucks, that was just so sweet. He'll love that when he's older - it'll be one of those things he clings to for the rest of his life. Well done.

Annie said...

Very sweet, Dad! Well done!

Liz (Loving Mom 2 Boys) said...

What a beautiful tribute for your beautiful boy!! Such gorgeous eyes!!

The Daily Blonde said...

they grow soooo fast...hang on tight. He's adorable.

Elaine A. said...

Oh my gosh, the tears, I can't stop them. If only EVERY boy good have a father write something like this to him, the entire world would be a better place.

Happy Birthday to your darling boy!

The Daily Blonde said...

ok I can't believe I did it. I posted a tribute. After clicking on Mr. Linky in error, I realized there was no way out!! And I thought I was going to sleep early...ha!

Summer said...

What a post to read while I'm PMS'ing!!! Holy tears.

Tmi? ;-)

I adored this post, and I think you need to print it and put it somewhere so that he can have it one day.

Man, now my shopping tribute doesn't seem so special. ;-)

Wendyburd1 said...

I LOVE that first pic the most!!LOL! And he has such glorious eyes!!

MomItForward said...

Okay cute kid? that growl face is hilarious!

Oh and?? Your facebook link above? links to this group:


People who would rather watch a football game than have cancer

Are you in it?

Carissa

Lee said...

Wow, he's precious! What a gorgeous boy! He's going to grow up sweet just like his dad.

angie said...

Sniff. Sniff. Where was that disclaimer that today's is a tear jerker? Happy Birthday to your son. My second child turned 7 yesterday. I'm old.

angi_b72 said...

What a precious little boy!! How absolutely sweet isthat post!! Happy B day little man!!

Candace Jean July 16 said...

I hate it when I cry in the morning. This is a beautiful post. Your son is one blessed little boy.

The Eadle Family said...

Very sweet!

Doublebanker said...

Very nice photos... good Tuesday blog. Got a new follower here!

Here's a link to my post of a rough football tackle

Deb said...

oh jay. your femaleness complements your maleness so well. mr. b is going to be one hell of a man with you guiding him through life. what a sweetie. and mr. b's adorable, too.

Jillene said...

What a BEAUTIFUL post Jay!! I am sitting here in tears!! Happy Birthday to your darling son!!

Soxy Deb said...

What a beautiful post. I'm typing through my tears.
Thank you for sharing it with us.

Tenakim said...

very very sweet, Jay!

Tiffany said...

That was so sweet! And isn't it amazing how they think us parents rule the world? My son asked me something the other day and I said I didn't know the answer. And he said but you know everything mommy. He can melt my heart.

And your son is absolutley adorable!

jsprik said...

how frickin sweet is that...a letter to your boy!! makes me miss mine!! good for you jay, putting down your baggage...i have had to do that as well. i have a lot of abuse n my background and could have used that as an excuse to not be a parent/good parent. but i have chosen to live in the here and now and rejoice in what God has allowed me to have in my life!!! Great post!!!

jill jill bo bill said...

Jay, that was beautiful. ANd that boy...I would never stop kissing him either. Happy Birthday, little one. (No Jay, not you. Your kid.)

Lacey said...

That was absolutely precious. :D

CaJoh said...

How apropos— having a birthday on a Tuesday Tribute.

Nice post. Happy birthday!

Momma said...

Beautiful post...beautiful son...beautiful pics! Loved it!

blueviolet said...

That was absolutely beautiful, Jay. What a lucky little guy to have you for his pops!

The Frugal Angel-Guided Psychic said...

Such a nice letter to your son! Wouldn't it be great if all fathers thought out how much and why they want and love their sons... Very cool!

You know, he might even be proud of you during his teens.... then again, probably not!

Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

WOW, great pictures and such a touching letter!

Happy Birthday sweet boy! You are lucky to have such a great Daddy!

Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

Jay, that kinda makes me want to have another baby. What a sweet little guy you have!

Brenda Jean said...

Lovely tribute Jay. Kids help us leave our baggage behind, and our hearts to grow as big as they need to be:)

Rachel said...

Made my husband read this. While he didn't get teary like me, he did get really quiet for a while and then grumble something about "needing to get a beer." in man world that means emotional mess.

Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting said...

That was absolutely beautiful. Damn the tears!

Jen said...

Oh.MY.Goodness! What an awesome post. You are such a wonderful man for writing this.

Carol @SheLives said...

What a little doll! Happy Birthday, Li'l Man!

And what a great dad to bless him this way. Yay, you!

Paige said...

That was a very sweet post, you almost made me cry and I am mean as a snake

John, Jessica and Emma said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog. I really appreciate it. I loved your post and it was really hard to not talk about my daughter... but I do that all the time and I realized I never thank my mom. I love this idea and plan on doing it from now on!!
Thanks
Jessica

Christina said...

Beautiful post!

Becky Sue said...

SOO sweet - you are an awesome dad!!

Beth said...

As the mother of sons, I'm jealous that I haven't yet written something that nice to them.

You inspire me!

Angela said...

What a sweet, honest and heartfelt letter! You made me cry! Your son is so handsome!

April said...

aw, happy birthday, buddy!

btw, your wife looks WAY too good for just having had a baby!!!

Natalie said...

Happy Birthday! What a beautiful post about a beautiful boy.

sheila said...

First off I'm stunned that this was written by a man. No offense. But WOW! I had tears by the end! Very, very nice post!

Lee the MWOB Queen said...

Oh geez Jay now I'm crying. That was utterly beautiful and now I know you guys' birthdays are one day apart!! Incredible!!

That post was just awesome and what a gift to your son.

Happy Birthday to your lil' precious dude. How lucky he has you for a daddy.

P.S. Your wife is stunningly gorgeous. :-)

Stacy's Random Thoughts said...

Absolutely beautiful...your son and the letter! Priceless! :)

stan said...

that is some poignant letter for your boy. kudos!

EADotCom said...

Well written as usual. Hope you saved a hard copy for him in future :)

posthumous pointer
To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one's self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived - this is to have succeeded. - Emerson