I have often complained of the weekend, particularly of the days when my wife works, and I am left to calm the herd. So today I will be taking you through the day on my blog...a moment by moment account of the action. And yes, I am aware that I am probably making the day worse by taking my eye off the ball. I make this sacrifice in the name of entertainment. Check back throughout the day...the action may be fast and furious. I welcome your comments of support or criticism throughout the day...Hope you enjoy. (Remember, tomorrow is MISSION: Monday with a great new giveaway!!)
Jay's Selfishness, Sarcasm, & Negativity Real-Time Feed
7:20pm Lights out. Crossing the finish line. The irony of today has been that I set out to show you what a complete and utter disaster Sundays are, and of course, end up having a pretty damn good one, relatively speaking. Regardless, I still am sitting here feeling like I got hit by a Babies-R-Us truck, but on the grand scale of weekends, not too shabby. Now it's time to clean the kitchen, and prepare the Sunday night grocery shopping list...am I the only husband you know that goes grocery shopping by himself on Sunday nights? Pretty sure I am... Thanks to all of you for coming along for the ride today, and for your words of encouragement and condescension. ;-)
7:18pm Reading C her story...a LONG story about Fuzzy the rabbit...gets all the way to the last page and asks...
"Who is Fuzzy?
"Oh." Thinks for a minute...
"Why did I get 2 treats today?"
"Because you were a very good girl again today."
"YAY!! Tomorrow I am gonna be a REALLY good girl."
It would appear that today I taught my daughter about commerce. And bribery.
7:00pm Putting B to bed...brushed his teeth, read his fav book...carrying him over to his crib and...spits up red Jello. Back to changing table, brushing teeth again, ignoring smell of baby vomit. Didnt seem to bother him, and I sure know I loved it.
6:18pm C just saw the picture of her and B and said, "Awwwww, we're so cute!!!"
6:00pm Ahh, Mr. Murphy...SO predictable to see you. Thanks so much for encouraging B to spill an entire carton of milk on himself...really...nice move.
5:45pm Jello. There's always room for Jello. Check to make sure I am pulling the non-Stoli variety out of the fridge for the kids...
5:15pm Dinner run...scream, laugh, scream, laugh, scream. Ordering dinner has never been so easy with the category 4 hurricane in the back seat.
4:15pm Just bribed the kids to eat frozen peas for a snack instead of fig newtons or worse...told them I would take them to eat a special dinner if they ate their peas...again contributing to the weight problem in this country by making food a struggle AND a reward.
4:10pm hey! Jenny J just gave me an award, the world's LARGEST, in fact...I may have to start a whole new blog to simply accommodate it!
4:00pm Wassup, pimp. I dont think B understands about "bling" yet. But certainly the dog will be thrilled that the kids are using the dog toys to entertain themselves, and STILL no one is playing with the dog.
3:45pm Um...ok..found them.
3:40pm C was sweet and got to have a treat, B woke up crying, but quickly resolved with the right book on the changing table...Ok, seriously, this is the frickin twilight zone...where are my CRAPPY kids?
3:20pm What the...a 2.5 hour NAP??!! This day is lookin' UP!! (maybe I went a little heavy on the benadryl...)
12:30pm Both kids down for nap without issue...maybe I'll just...ZZZZZZZZZZ
11:55am Lunch. Don't ask me what they ate. At some point Child Protective Services will be FORCED to act.
11:25am Tried a walk around the block...the neighbors came out to see what the screaming was about. Took them back to the house, and re-shackled them.
10:48am C yells out of bathroom "Do you want me to wipe, or you wipe?"
"You wipe", I reply.
"I already did."
10:20am 2 tantrums...here we go. One snack related, one missing mommy, which is a sure sign of suspect male parenting.
10:00am Ok...2 kids up, one breakfast, one snack, and just realized I have not ingested anything yet this morning. Start with coffee, see how it goes. So far so good, giving the morning a B- so far. Apart from the 3:30 fiasco...pretty optimistic of me, huh?
9:10am Fishtooters. Big one.
9:09am Ok...B has been asleep for 15 hours and Nana freaked me out about that, so we are going to wake him up.
8:32 C finished dressing and redressing. Very proud. Hello Kitty? Check. Hanna Montana? Check. Anti-psychotic washed down with sodium bicarb? Check. Waiting patiently for Nana to call...we LOVE us some Nana. Wait...just realized I am being a selfish cheap bastard...calling Nana now.
8:27am Wife calls...no explanation for the lack of kiss. Sweet of her to spare my feelings. She must have been focused on keeping her makeup fresh for someone at work...note to self...hire P.I.
8:25 C wants to paint. Translation: C wants to get paint everywhere and cause B to throw a fit during breakfast because he wants to put his hand in paint.
7:35am C wants english muffin, dog wants out of bed. Everybody wants something. Leave me the hell alone. Get muffins out of freezer in freezing garage, stand with dog out in freezing cold to verify we have poopage. Gonna HAVE to put on more clothes...
7:16am C walks out of office, and then rips off her first string of "fish tooters", as she calls them. Turns around, giggles. First of many.
7:15am C wanders into office to ask: "Do you want me to get dressed?"
"You can if you want", I reply.
"No, Dad, I asked you a question."
It's official, she IS my daughter.
6:34am Into the living room to remove pullup. C has clearly invited friends over during the night to help her fill it...brimming...
6:31am C is coming down the stairs, and will throw the first fit of the day if she doesn't get to say goodbye to wife. Grab her, run outside in the freezing cold for kiss. MAJOR crisis averted.
6:30am Wife says goodbye, but no kiss. Breath must be simply horrific.
6:15am Wife is trying to hack her way through the vanity with her hairspray can...I am sure of it. Hairdryer is the loudest available on the market.
5:30am Wife gets up for work. Starts 30 minute shower. Sleep is now fitful at best.
3:30am B wakes up and starts screaming. Wife rolls over, slaps me, tells me to go see what's wrong. Get out of bed in a sleep-interrupted stupor. Make it to the bottom of the stairs. B stops crying, goes back to sleep. Step on toy. Back to bed.