Friday, November 7, 2008

Warning..this is about poop...kinda...


Tonight I sat reading one of my fav authors (BarefootFoodie) describe the festering cesspool that is her yard. And as I later raised my head from the toilet bowl and regained the strength to return to my bloggy addiction, I was reminded of a story of my youth. It came back to me like a freight, gliding solidly through the bong resin clinging to a long forgotten cortex, the cobweb-ridden recesses of my youth-brain.

The story of the King Poopie.

My older, and wholly not wiser sister and I huddled in a tent on a camping trip in Western Canada (where most nightmares originate), and she brought me up to speed on a gastrointestinal legend she felt the need to mentor me on...

A colo-rectal Yoda, and her young jedi apprentice Polyp Boy, if you will.

Anyway, she sat and calmly explained to her wide-eyed little brother, "You see, every person has a King Poopie in them...and if you poop it out, you die.

I will simply say that I have made it past many of the issues that my family handed me over the years, but this story, for whatever reason, re-entered my consciousness tonight. And now each of our bathroom doors looks slightly more foreboding than it did before.

But rest easy, my friends. For no monarch is eager to relinquish their throne.

I bid thee, good evening.

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19 comments:

Kristina P. said...

How funny!

And I had to tell you that everytime I drive by the Santa Fe Apartments, I think of you. I drove by tonight, and I've been meaning to tell you that.

Carissa(GoodnCrazy) said...

Well....?

Thanks for sharing that. I think.

It tells me sooo much about your childhood? How many sibs are there?

Miranda said...

lol That's so funny! I had an evil older sister too who convinced me that the toilet troll was real when I was 6. Now she likes to tell everyone we know the story of how she screamed "THERE HE IS!" and I ran down the hallway with my pants around my ankles crying like a baby. I plan on getting her back one day.

Darrin said...

King Poopie... I've met him. Many months ago. It was day 7 of my new health regimen.. the day I bumped my daily fiber intake from 30 to 45 grams. Yes.. I met him my friend. And while I felt like I was going to die, we parted company and I am still here. (and a little lighter to boot!)

Whitney R said...

Oh no. I hope my Queen poopie never leaves!!! Well.. once I hit 80 I might want it to. So I retain the right to say it can stay and say when it can leave.

By the way, love the image:)

Beadiful Things said...

My husband poops out King Poopie every morning like clockwork and he's just fine (the husband, that is).

Deb said...

i was going to say... i concur with ann.
if this legend were, in fact, FACT, my family would all have died YEARS ago. starting with my eldest, most prolific, shall we say, son.

you're really sick for sharing that with us, by the way.

Clare said...

jay, i am not sure whether to laugh or be grossed out....what is it with men and their poop. chris insists on announcing to me every time he enters the bathroom, drives me nuts!!

jill jill bo bill said...

If it ever happens to you, PLEASE don't take pictures.

Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

Oh, big sister's are great...I know because I am one. Thats a funny story Jay!

georgie said...

LOL...this is the 3rd poopie blog post i have read today...is their some poop conspiracy i am not aware of today?

marsha said...

LOL!! I shall pass this story on to others.

Tony said...

OK - not touching that with a 10 ft pole. ROFL

Annie said...

I think Barefoot is making us all talk poop- I just wrote my poop story to be published MOnday. What a topic!

Eudea-Mamia said...

Just think of my little snake story, you'll never poop again - you're welcome.

I fart in your general direction.

Well, not really, because I'm a lady, and all, but you get me.

Em

Brittany said...

Um, I feel like we are bonded for life now.

Jenni Jiggety said...

Hmmm...is there a psycholoist in the house?

Most days, I am happy to poop any poop at all. I need more fiber.

HeatherY said...

That's hilarious. I'll pray for your safety.

Rachel said...

AHAHA. Sorry, but that's freakin hilarious. I am an older sis and I once told my sister that her arms could "stretch" and get longer if someone pulled to hard on them. She walked around with her arms crossed for weeks.

posthumous pointer
To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one's self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived - this is to have succeeded. - Emerson