Thursday, November 13, 2008

The hottest girl in a very small school.


I first kissed a girl in 1984. Not the book, the year. True to some Orwellian prophecy however, people watched me do it, and I was confused and terrified the entire time.

Now you must understand, I had kissed girls before. A couple of Barbies will attest to the fact that I had normal male urges...I simply lacked supporting actresses. Being a somewhat sheltered teenage boy and the little brother to a hellcat older sister, I had not yet seen much action, clearly.

Always husky and pimple-ridden, my high school experience in Holland had been a 3 year collection of sub-par sports performances, grades only good enough to keep me out of a special education program, quite a bit of Southern Comfort and 7up, and Marlboro Lights. And hash. Plenty of hash. In retrospect, maybe it was the Black Afghan that kept the girls away and made exams...foggy.

So one night I headed to our school-funded gathering place, "The Hole", to finish out an evening with my extremely small clique after a full evening of 16 year old drinking at one of my fav bars. I say "one of", as I had been patronizing the local bar scene since the tender age of FOURTEEN. It boggles the mind of a parent now, that Queen Beatrix in all her wisdom believed that there is nothing wrong with a 14yr old drinking whiskey as long as they wash it down with cheese, fried food and chocolate. Just don't drive.

So, The Hole. Enter Jay, standing coolly at the doorway in my fartootightformyphysique jeans, docksiders with no socks, blue buttondown (no logo, couldn't afford Izod or Polo), Varsity letter jacket with no tournament patches, pins, or anything at all to signify I was more than a 3rd stringer. Polo cologne, all pimples popped. Ready for ...companionship.

And there she was. Suzan. The most beautiful girl in the school by many accounts, with her long flowing blond hair, angelic face, and I am stopping at the neck. But be advised, she looked...nice.

She had often said hello to me, and I had often wondered what was wrong with her for doing so. Sometimes gave me a hug, sometimes an intriguing glance, but certainly every encounter was a trophy in my poorly stocked relationship case. And once again she turned, saw me, and smiled.

Now, to describe my lack of experience would not do it justice. So I will paint the picture this way, and I am quite serious when I say, my version of "running the bases" was slightly different from most...a home run would be inked on my scorecard if I got a slow dance from Suzan.

I approached her, summoning every ounce of courage I had to ask the question, at which she smiled brightly, took my hand, and led me to the dance floor...which was...empty. She grabbed me, settled into an embrace, and I entered the gates of Heaven under the watchful eyes of many from our small school.

It was like...well, it is at this point I run out of words...to hold someone that beautiful, swaying with her, smelling her hair...it was like...

She suddenly pulled back from me, looked deeply into my deer-in-a-headlight gaze, and kissed me. Not a peck, mind you, not a teaser, she planted one. A big one. A wet one. I felt her tongue, and realized I was outmatched, and unprepared. Suzan had been around the track, and I, in my Radio Flyer, was having a hard time keeping up with her Andretti-like advance.

But it was a hell of a ride.

We kissed, and kissed, and kissed, for what seemed like hours, but may have just been the duration of "Hotel California" Then, taking my hand again, she led me from the dance floor through a shocked throng of gaping-mouthed friends to start our three month "romance". At the end of three months, you see, and with that jewel on my arm, I began to summon the stares of more girls, and like the proverbial kid in the candy shop, I broke up with the lovely Suzan.

Pretty sure she was tired of coddling me through our makeouts anyway.

Wherever you are today, Suzan, I wish you health and happiness, and I thank you for taking a chance on a nerd like me.



Thanks to the lovely MamaKat for her creation of the Writer's Workshop, and for setting the stage for this pathetic confessional.

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35 comments:

Mrs.D said...

Did you seriously live in Holland? That is awesome. First kisses are very interesting stories, well done. What are docksiders?

Jay @halftime lessons said...

Sperry ?Topsiders?...maybe that's what they were called...perhaps you missed the 80s.

My only brag about the 80s is that I never owned a Member's Only jacket...

They wouldn't take me.

Liz said...

You sound like you were the poster boy for cool!! That is a great first kiss story...I only wish mine could have been so interesting...

Christina said...

Nice story! My first kiss story isn't quite that intersting either.

Rachel said...

Woah, hoad no idea you hailed from Holland. Gives me a better idea of what we are working with here. (wink)

Just to let you know, Amsterdam is the only city in Europe I have been to twice (I went back for seconds in high school, then college). The whole place just amazes me. Love the liberal vibe.

Anyway, loved your post. Sorry, such a long comment, and yes! - I turned off the word verification. Whoopee!

Sometimes Sophia said...

What an awesome account of an inspiring event! Loved your blog. Will be back to visit again...

Madge said...

why can't we have our first kiss more than once? not fair.

Rhonda said...

I love that story! And the message to Suzan was perfect!

Well done!

A+

Tony said...

Bravo brother, bravo.

This explains everything and nothing. Now I have so many questions a shared bottle of Jack could only begin to explain.

Kristina P. said...

How in the world did you go from Holland to Utah?

And Susan sounds hot.

Whitney R said...

You told the story very well!

Now I want to tell about my first kiss. It was completely awkward.

Brittany said...

Holland?! Holla! I have family there, I LOVE it there! My uncles and cousins live in Nijmegen.

I didn't have my first kiss while visiting there, but I very well may have been wearing my wooden shoes...

Jen said...

what a great story. I was totally lost in the moment as I am sure you were. Sometimes we need a little push from some one more experienced.

Carissa(GoodnCrazy) said...

Barbies will attest to the fact that I had normal male urges...

BEST QUOTE by far. Didn't all of us geeks need to get past our first Suzan so we could become the grown up geeks that we are today?? I did.

Members Only Jacket...?
I stayed away from fads in the 80s. couldn't afford them anyway, but I've got some Doozer school pics.

Stefanie said...

You write beautifully! Thank you for sharing, I will be back to visit. BTW - you've been tagged.

Jessica said...

Jay, this was amazing. AMAZING. Thanks for sharing. :)

Soxy Deb said...

Very nice writing. I felt like I was back there with you. I would tell you to read my post today, but I don't think you can ever summon up the "feelings" I was having at the time.

I give it an A+.

Luanne said...

Holland where??

that is a very sweet story! Loved it!

jill jill bo bill said...

OMG that was HILARIOUS!!! You totally crack me up. Fer sure. I ate boys like you for lunch. But I know I would have loved you!!!!

Tiffany said...

Great story, great writing!

Cecily R said...

You have an amazing way with words. But you know that.

My first kiss was in front of a crowd too. Only it wasn't nearly so cool a moment. Okay, it wasn't even close.

Diane said...

What a great story! I loved the Radio Flyer reference - too funny. And how cool was that Suzan?!

J Cosmo Newbery said...

We all need a Susan or two in our lives! Thank you for an engrossing story.

Deb said...

wait a minute... i told you my name was suzan?

Tash said...

Thanks for your comment on WordfulWed
yes I think I beat you by a few years on the kiss but it was early 80's, and yes it seemed like hours and hours. Gotta love the Writer's Workshop! I better go look and think something up!

Braja said...

I just scrolled down to post a comment, then burst out laughing at Deb's...still stuck on it. I love how someone's writing can bring out so many different responses. Well done, loved it....

Michelle said...

Jay, that story was like total awesome dude. I could totally smell your fear and your Polo cologne.

Ok, I just read that you didn't own a members only jacket. Dude, you just jumped off the nerd list because only the total dorks wore those. :)

Chitown Meg said...

my word verification is turned off- JUST FOR YOU

Shanna said...

Hi, and thanks for stopping by and taking the time to say hello! I've been by a few times and sorry to say have been too LAZY to leave a comment! I took the time to read this post and it was so sweet! I kept expecting you to say that Suzan turned into your current wife ... it's sweet that she gave you a chance with the other girls.

Jenni Jiggety said...

That was very funny and sweet! My first kiss was bizarre...he had to take out his retainer and put it on the table. GROSS.

Kristen Zirkle said...

Had the $2.88 wine tonight-you are definitely a vodka drinker. Bleck.

The White House said...

Wow! What a vivid post. Thanks for sharing this historic, wonderful and vulnerable story from your past. I loved it~

Mama Kat said...

Awwww...so sweet!!

Mrs.D said...

I'm going to have to google docksiders and topsiders. I have heard the words, but never knew what they were. I was a wee thing in the 80s.

Girl Friday said...

GAH! The Hole. Alas, I do not have favorable memories of that place but this makes me wish I did.

posthumous pointer
To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one's self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived - this is to have succeeded. - Emerson